Marriage is a strange phenomenon that happens to human beings. the best part is, both the unmarried and the married are unhappy.

v     If you do NOT have a wife/husband - You are missing Some thing in your life;
If you have a wife/husband - You are missing So Many things in your life.     

v     Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

v     When do you congratulate someone for their mistake? On their marriage.

v     Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

v     Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

v     Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

v     First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

v     Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

v     Why Government does not allow a Man to Marry 2 Women.  Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

v     Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

v     My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

v     A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

v     A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

v     The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

v     Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

v     How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.

v     Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.

v     I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

v     A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

v     A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

v     The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

v     Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.

v     Bachelors should pay more taxes, they enjoy a better quality of life.

v     A woman rushed home from work and exclaimed to her husband, "Pack your bags, I've won the lottery!" The husband excitedly asks, "Should I pack clothes for cold or warm weather?" She says, "Pack ‘em all, you're leaving!"

v     A couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish, too But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

v     Two women friends meet on the street, but they haven't seen each other for years. As they are talking one women notices that her friend has a 5 carat diamond ring, and says "My what a magnificent ring" Her friend relies, "Yes, it is, but unfortunately it comes with a curse. It comes with my husband!"

v     I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

v     If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.